Saturday night, as my guy and I were making a pizza:
Him: I'm done with the tomato sauce; it's ready to put away.
Me: ok, hand me the spoon.
Him: the spoon?
Me: so I can take a big scoop of the sauce and eat it before I put the rest in the fridge.
Him: EWWWWW!!!!
Me [pondering whether I will still be able to eat pizza if I first eat the entire contents of the jar of marinara sauce]: what? What? Doesn't everybody do that?!
This is the year of transitions. My friendships shift in response to major life changes, both mine and others': one friend's 3 months in Japan, another's 6 months' leave, new babies everywhere, job changes, house changes, finishing up or preparing for grad school.
And for all of these transitions, I have the same conversations: "is it OK if I..." and "is it normal to..." None of us know what's expected. I think maybe nothing is expected. I ask K if it's OK not to want a baby; she asks me if it's OK to want a house. B asks whether to join his wife on her two-month trip to Paris. T wonders if it's OK to deprioritize work if you're preparing for grad school: "I'm leaving too soon to be promoted again, so...what would I be working toward if I keep putting in the hours?"
None of us knows whether to say yes or no. None of us knows who to ask. None of us knows what's OK or what's normal.
"Isn't it crazy?" said T last night over coffee. "By the time my parents got here, they knew what the next 20 years looked like: kids, work, the town they'd live in. I don't even know about next year."
"I think they had fewer options," I say. "And options are good, but...."
As I ponder what to do with this long weekend, I also ponder when it is that I'll stop trying to decide what the best thing is. Will a time come when we know what's expected of us, when we stop looking for permission or the go-ahead to make decisions on our own? Or is uncertainty the new normal?
Yeah, yeah, it doesn't affect me personally, but ever since the anti-gay-marriage folks insulted my love life by claiming that gay marriage threatened straight marriage (excuse me?! my marriage is at risk because someone else got married?! are you kidding?!), I've taken it personally anyway.
So I was very very happy when a friend pinged me this link this morning:
State Supreme Court says same-sex couples have right to marry
Yay! Yay! Yay!
