This is the year of transitions. My friendships shift in response to major life changes, both mine and others': one friend's 3 months in Japan, another's 6 months' leave, new babies everywhere, job changes, house changes, finishing up or preparing for grad school.
And for all of these transitions, I have the same conversations: "is it OK if I..." and "is it normal to..." None of us know what's expected. I think maybe nothing is expected. I ask K if it's OK not to want a baby; she asks me if it's OK to want a house. B asks whether to join his wife on her two-month trip to Paris. T wonders if it's OK to deprioritize work if you're preparing for grad school: "I'm leaving too soon to be promoted again, so...what would I be working toward if I keep putting in the hours?"
None of us knows whether to say yes or no. None of us knows who to ask. None of us knows what's OK or what's normal.
"Isn't it crazy?" said T last night over coffee. "By the time my parents got here, they knew what the next 20 years looked like: kids, work, the town they'd live in. I don't even know about next year."
"I think they had fewer options," I say. "And options are good, but...."
As I ponder what to do with this long weekend, I also ponder when it is that I'll stop trying to decide what the best thing is. Will a time come when we know what's expected of us, when we stop looking for permission or the go-ahead to make decisions on our own? Or is uncertainty the new normal?
